I remember in my first year thinking " I really don't thik I will ever be able to complete a dissertation." Right from day dot, my dissertation worried me, as I knew it would be a massive task, and now one I ever really believed would be possible from me.
I wanted to do something that would interest me, so that I would be interested enough to do the reading that needed to be completed in order to get it done. Yet even though it interested me massivly, I did not really find it all that interesting when it came to the amount of work that needed to go into it. I thought it would be a lot of work, but this much work? Nope I had no idea!
I have spent months trying to get it sorted, lets start with the ethics form. Which for me was pretty simple, as it was a qaulitative study, the ethics didn't seem as difficult as it was for those doing a quantitative one. I got that sorted once I put my mind to it, then came time to collect the participants! I thought this would be relitively easy, being as I only needed 6! I felt pretty lucky compared to those doing quantitative, who needed sometimes up to 100 participants.
However, collecting my participants turned out to be harder than I first thought it would be. As not many people were too thrilled with the idea of doing a half hour intereview plus, surprisingly, many people did not meet the criteria for my study, which was a shame. I interviewed my first participant back in November 2011, when I realised my questions did not gain enough information from people. So to be honest I started to panic a little, as I thought I had to resubmit my ethics and then wait for that to be approved. This was luckily not the case!
I had to rethink my questions though, as the first set of questions only gained ten minutes worth of answers and I knew this was not long enough. I needed between 20-30 minutes worth. So I went back to the drawing board and thought about what exactly it was, I was trying to find out. So I looked again at some of the misconcetions surrounding self-harm and developed more questions based on this. Now though, there was a problem, we had hit Christmas holidays. Everyone will have gone home, so I had to wait until after Christmas to be able to continue the intrviews. My project schedual at this point had gone out of the window!
I spent Christmas working on my other essays, as I thought I needed to pay some attention to those, if I want a good grade, my project was not the only thing I had going on! My second interview wasn't until february but this one gave me 22 minutes. This ade me so happy. So I continued to intrview people and I interviewed a further 7 partciants, yet three of the participants had to be excluded from the data set, as they were only 10-15 minutes long. I knew this time it was not the questions though, as I had enough from other people.
However, this did mean I only had 5 interviews that were useable all in all. So I went and spoke to my tutor, to see whether I still needed to interview more, as we were gettng close to the deadline for the draft to be in. She said as long as I felt I had enough data to work with, it should be okay. So that was a relief I must admit. Now we come to the hard bit-working with the data.
The reason I chose a qualitative study over a quantitative one, is because I hate numbers! Seriously despise them! So to me doing a qualitative study seemed to be the lesser of two evils. You see with quantitative, you have to use SPSS and all sorts, and the thought of that made me want to cry! I had only ever done one qualitative though, and I didn't do overly great on it. Yet I knew where it was I had gone wrong and decided that I would prefer that, over the other.
To start with, with the data, I had to transcribe it, talk about mind numbing boredem when doing that. Just listen, pause and type. Each one took me at least 4 hours to complete. Meaing I had spent twenty hours with my data, before I even began to analyse it, and that is not ncluding all the time I spent trying to get people to take part, things going wrong when people agreed and actually carrying out th interviews. By this oint, I had already had enough of my project, I hated it and didn't think it was any good. So I was definitely lot looking forward to my write up.
he analysing I thought would be pretty simple, choose some extracts, and write about them, sounds simple enough, right? Wrong! First you have to read the transcripts about 4-5 times just to make sure you know your data, before you start deciding what can be used and what needs to be left out. So then you need to look at what is happening in the data, what looks good, what looks like it is similar or contrasting to what other participants have said. Once you have done that, it is time to start deciding which extracts can be used within your study and why they can be used.
I had so had enough of the things my participants had said at this point (Sorry to any of you reading this, it was not what you said, just the amount if time I had spent reading it! lol) as i knew the interviews inside out, but this did not seem to make the process any easier, I still had to sit for hours deciding what can be used and what needs to be left out. So then I started to put all the things that were similar and contrasting together, to see what those sub-themes could be named and how these fit together as main themes. I hadn't even started talking about what the participants had said yet, and naming the sub-themes was much more difficult than I thought it would be, as I just kept thinking of the questions I had asked. So in the end my friend took a look for me and helped me come up with more sufficiant names. Then I had to group these together into main theme. That bit was pretty simple to be honest, so didn't stress me out too much!
The time it took however, to write up what they had said, felt like an eternity. I think all in all, that part took me well over a week, with a little panic inbetween, where I believed I had lost over 1,000 words that I had typed up the night before, but my friends boyfriend helped me sort that one! (Where would I be now without these people? lol).
Whilst doing all of these other things I had been reading up about self harm and taking down notes about what would be good in my study. I had also started writing up the introduction, but it was most definitely in its early stages, didn't even have sub-headings at first! So once I had finished the analysis, I had to get down to it with the rest of the write up, which felt like it took forever too. I remember when we first started our projects, they said "8,000, sounds like a lot of words but trust me, you will want more". I could not imagine wanting more than 8,000 words, that is of course until I was writing it up, but the time I got to the discussion, I only had about 300 words left to spare!! I hadn't even done an abstract either. Now I really wanted to cry, I did what I could though and got 200 words over the word count, which obviously was too much! We're allowed only under 1% over otherwise we drop a grade point. My discussion also looked pretty crap at this point, as I only had two studies in it and not a whole lot else!
Then my tutor told me to change my results section, so that it didn't have so much in it and it was easier to follow. To be honest, this annoyed the hell out of me. I LOVED my results section and felt it was the best part of the study, so I spent two days throwing a tiny little trantrum to myself, where I told myself I was not going to change the results section as it did not need changing! Then I realised I am an adult and therefore have to act like one, even if I do want to act like a little child! So I set about changing my results and aking words out of it. I thought this would take a lot longer than it did however, as it only took around 3 hours to complete it! it also gave me an extra 800 words to work with, so I got back to work on my discussion!
Now the hard thing about my study was, it had never really been done before. There is very little data out there on public stigma towards people who self harm. So I was a little stressed trying to get things to relate to my study, but knew if I worded it right, I would manage it. I did at this point however, wish I had done a different study that I may be able to find more research on, but then I don't think it would be as interesting. Well to others the one I have done now, may not be interesting, but I found it to be lol. Wat I had to do is somehow relate the findings of studies of A & E staff to that of mine. Which was hard as they're not really the same thing, but it still seemed to mash together somehow!!
So finally I was well on y way, the worst thing was the niggly parts that had to be changed. Such as changing the words self harm to self-harm and then changing Self-harm to self-harm. This seems pretty easy but when you have used a word over 300 times, it gets tedious to go through and continually change every single one of them.
And then came the day to get it printed and binded. Now the printing side of it sounds pretty simple right? Again wrong! I printed out three copies, which lets just say cost quite a bit. Only as they were printing I realised some pages were a yellow colour and some pages were crisp white. This is not something I could have. If it were just an essay, I would have accepted it, but NOT on my dissertation! Not a chance! I seriously felt like crying at this point, as I just could not handle how crappy it woud look. So my friend, Lucy told me to go and tell the library staff, who kindly refuded my money and ensured the next printer I went on, had all white paper.
Then to print the pages that needed to be in colour. This is another thing I thought would be simple, expensive but simple. I was again wrong. The first lot printed out double sided. So I had to print them again!! This time I made sure they were one sided. Then headed over to start binding them. I honestly just wanted to cry at this point, nothing felt like it was going right.
The binding I knew wouldn't be simple but with two of us, it made it a little easier, probably halved the time it took me to do it! Only one small snag, the second document I started to do, I then realised I had been putting them on the binder backwards, so the whole project was mixed up, I was right at the end of that one when I realised, so had to take it all off!! Then I started to do it again, when we realised I had punched the holes in two of the pages on the wrong side, so I sent Lucy off to re-print them. while i nicked those two pages from the third one that needed binding. Finally, after about two hours spent in the library I had all three printed and bound, so off we went to hand our projects in! I must admit, although it is a relief that it is handed in, I still feel a little sick about it, as I cannot change anything on it and now keep noticing small little things that are wrong with it. I need to stop looking at it!
All in all, this project has been the hardest piece of work I have ever had to do! However I showed myself I could do it and feel like I have achieved a hell of a lot a long the way! So YAY me!! lol
I had to rethink my questions though, as the first set of questions only gained ten minutes worth of answers and I knew this was not long enough. I needed between 20-30 minutes worth. So I went back to the drawing board and thought about what exactly it was, I was trying to find out. So I looked again at some of the misconcetions surrounding self-harm and developed more questions based on this. Now though, there was a problem, we had hit Christmas holidays. Everyone will have gone home, so I had to wait until after Christmas to be able to continue the intrviews. My project schedual at this point had gone out of the window!
I spent Christmas working on my other essays, as I thought I needed to pay some attention to those, if I want a good grade, my project was not the only thing I had going on! My second interview wasn't until february but this one gave me 22 minutes. This ade me so happy. So I continued to intrview people and I interviewed a further 7 partciants, yet three of the participants had to be excluded from the data set, as they were only 10-15 minutes long. I knew this time it was not the questions though, as I had enough from other people.
However, this did mean I only had 5 interviews that were useable all in all. So I went and spoke to my tutor, to see whether I still needed to interview more, as we were gettng close to the deadline for the draft to be in. She said as long as I felt I had enough data to work with, it should be okay. So that was a relief I must admit. Now we come to the hard bit-working with the data.
The reason I chose a qualitative study over a quantitative one, is because I hate numbers! Seriously despise them! So to me doing a qualitative study seemed to be the lesser of two evils. You see with quantitative, you have to use SPSS and all sorts, and the thought of that made me want to cry! I had only ever done one qualitative though, and I didn't do overly great on it. Yet I knew where it was I had gone wrong and decided that I would prefer that, over the other.
To start with, with the data, I had to transcribe it, talk about mind numbing boredem when doing that. Just listen, pause and type. Each one took me at least 4 hours to complete. Meaing I had spent twenty hours with my data, before I even began to analyse it, and that is not ncluding all the time I spent trying to get people to take part, things going wrong when people agreed and actually carrying out th interviews. By this oint, I had already had enough of my project, I hated it and didn't think it was any good. So I was definitely lot looking forward to my write up.
he analysing I thought would be pretty simple, choose some extracts, and write about them, sounds simple enough, right? Wrong! First you have to read the transcripts about 4-5 times just to make sure you know your data, before you start deciding what can be used and what needs to be left out. So then you need to look at what is happening in the data, what looks good, what looks like it is similar or contrasting to what other participants have said. Once you have done that, it is time to start deciding which extracts can be used within your study and why they can be used.
I had so had enough of the things my participants had said at this point (Sorry to any of you reading this, it was not what you said, just the amount if time I had spent reading it! lol) as i knew the interviews inside out, but this did not seem to make the process any easier, I still had to sit for hours deciding what can be used and what needs to be left out. So then I started to put all the things that were similar and contrasting together, to see what those sub-themes could be named and how these fit together as main themes. I hadn't even started talking about what the participants had said yet, and naming the sub-themes was much more difficult than I thought it would be, as I just kept thinking of the questions I had asked. So in the end my friend took a look for me and helped me come up with more sufficiant names. Then I had to group these together into main theme. That bit was pretty simple to be honest, so didn't stress me out too much!
The time it took however, to write up what they had said, felt like an eternity. I think all in all, that part took me well over a week, with a little panic inbetween, where I believed I had lost over 1,000 words that I had typed up the night before, but my friends boyfriend helped me sort that one! (Where would I be now without these people? lol).
Whilst doing all of these other things I had been reading up about self harm and taking down notes about what would be good in my study. I had also started writing up the introduction, but it was most definitely in its early stages, didn't even have sub-headings at first! So once I had finished the analysis, I had to get down to it with the rest of the write up, which felt like it took forever too. I remember when we first started our projects, they said "8,000, sounds like a lot of words but trust me, you will want more". I could not imagine wanting more than 8,000 words, that is of course until I was writing it up, but the time I got to the discussion, I only had about 300 words left to spare!! I hadn't even done an abstract either. Now I really wanted to cry, I did what I could though and got 200 words over the word count, which obviously was too much! We're allowed only under 1% over otherwise we drop a grade point. My discussion also looked pretty crap at this point, as I only had two studies in it and not a whole lot else!
Then my tutor told me to change my results section, so that it didn't have so much in it and it was easier to follow. To be honest, this annoyed the hell out of me. I LOVED my results section and felt it was the best part of the study, so I spent two days throwing a tiny little trantrum to myself, where I told myself I was not going to change the results section as it did not need changing! Then I realised I am an adult and therefore have to act like one, even if I do want to act like a little child! So I set about changing my results and aking words out of it. I thought this would take a lot longer than it did however, as it only took around 3 hours to complete it! it also gave me an extra 800 words to work with, so I got back to work on my discussion!
Now the hard thing about my study was, it had never really been done before. There is very little data out there on public stigma towards people who self harm. So I was a little stressed trying to get things to relate to my study, but knew if I worded it right, I would manage it. I did at this point however, wish I had done a different study that I may be able to find more research on, but then I don't think it would be as interesting. Well to others the one I have done now, may not be interesting, but I found it to be lol. Wat I had to do is somehow relate the findings of studies of A & E staff to that of mine. Which was hard as they're not really the same thing, but it still seemed to mash together somehow!!
So finally I was well on y way, the worst thing was the niggly parts that had to be changed. Such as changing the words self harm to self-harm and then changing Self-harm to self-harm. This seems pretty easy but when you have used a word over 300 times, it gets tedious to go through and continually change every single one of them.
And then came the day to get it printed and binded. Now the printing side of it sounds pretty simple right? Again wrong! I printed out three copies, which lets just say cost quite a bit. Only as they were printing I realised some pages were a yellow colour and some pages were crisp white. This is not something I could have. If it were just an essay, I would have accepted it, but NOT on my dissertation! Not a chance! I seriously felt like crying at this point, as I just could not handle how crappy it woud look. So my friend, Lucy told me to go and tell the library staff, who kindly refuded my money and ensured the next printer I went on, had all white paper.
Then to print the pages that needed to be in colour. This is another thing I thought would be simple, expensive but simple. I was again wrong. The first lot printed out double sided. So I had to print them again!! This time I made sure they were one sided. Then headed over to start binding them. I honestly just wanted to cry at this point, nothing felt like it was going right.
The binding I knew wouldn't be simple but with two of us, it made it a little easier, probably halved the time it took me to do it! Only one small snag, the second document I started to do, I then realised I had been putting them on the binder backwards, so the whole project was mixed up, I was right at the end of that one when I realised, so had to take it all off!! Then I started to do it again, when we realised I had punched the holes in two of the pages on the wrong side, so I sent Lucy off to re-print them. while i nicked those two pages from the third one that needed binding. Finally, after about two hours spent in the library I had all three printed and bound, so off we went to hand our projects in! I must admit, although it is a relief that it is handed in, I still feel a little sick about it, as I cannot change anything on it and now keep noticing small little things that are wrong with it. I need to stop looking at it!
All in all, this project has been the hardest piece of work I have ever had to do! However I showed myself I could do it and feel like I have achieved a hell of a lot a long the way! So YAY me!! lol
On the right is mine, on the left is Lucy's
