A-Z of me

I was looking for writing prompts as I haven't been on my blog for ages and couldn't think of a damn thing to write, an came across this on a site full of writing prompts so here goes, the a-z of me........

Anorak… Do you have a sad side? Surely we all do? something in our lives that others would consider to be 'sad' but we think is great? Hmmmm now I am trying to think of what I love to do but others find sad, which I really can't think because I find everything I do great (obviously). Maybe the amount of time I spend on the computer....I'd say it is too much but I love my computer lol. Also my love of Christmas. I thought that I weren't really into Christmas this year and then we got the decs out and that all changed. Spent yeasterday making paper chains and putting up the Christmas tree. OMG what joy!! Loved the whole day! lol.

BODY…What physical attribute would you most like to change? Hmmm another hard one because I can always think of them and then think but I wouldn't be me without that, so never actually want to change anything, even if I do hate it lol. I'd say I hate my toes the most and I really have no desire to go into why that may be lol.

CELEBRITY…Which one would you most like to date and why? Tim Minchin, he is just so damn funny and well just not conventional looking. Nothing plain and boring with him. Just my type!

DEBUT …Tell us about your first ever blog post. What made you start blogging? That was about 5 years ago on a completely different blog and I have no idea what I wrote, none what so ever!

ERROR …What’s been your biggest regret? Hmmm regret? See that is very tough because although there are loads of things that I have done in my life that has made my life harder for me, I truly believe without every last one of those things, I would never have come to be a university student so I can't really say I regret anything per se. I often think I wish I'd sorted my anxiety when I first begun to have it, but even then, I would never have ended up being at uni and actually trying to do something with my life. So I really don't think that is a question I can answer!

FUNNY – who’s making you laugh? Tim Minchin, as previously stated and last night my friend lucy who went into a complete laughing fit over the sentence "Ginge's dog bed" simply because Ginge is a cat. Ten minutes of laughing over one sentence was kind of funny!

GRAND…If we gave you one right now what would you spend it on? Hmmm I'd probably pay for my own therapy. That would be aceness right there!

HOLIDAY… What’s your favourite destination? Anywhere that is quiet and relaxing. Recently I went to the lake district and wwould soooooo go back there again, was absolutely amazing!!

IRRITATE… What’s your most annoying habit? So so so many but I think for me I really irritate myself when I say "absolutely not" instead of just "no" or "I do not want to do that". I find myself saying absolutely not to nearly everything, it is driving me up the wall!

JOKER…Whats your favourite joke {the one that makes you laugh everytime you hear it}? I have no idea! I don't really like jokes as such, more sarcasm!

KENNEL… Do you have any pets? No :( sadly I do not any more. However I plan on getting a dog and a cat and then I shall be happy. Although my housemate has a pet called Ginge, who as stated earlier is a cat-not a dog.

LOVE…Are you single, married, engaged, living with a long-term partner? I am single and I think for now that is the way I need to stay!

MEAL… Whats your ultimate starter, main and dessert? At the moment I have an obsession with whole wheat pasta, with mayo, cucumber and tuna. So simple but soooo nice

NOW…If you could be anywhere right now where would you be and who with? Anywhere in the world? I have no idea!

OFF DUTY…What do you do in your spare time? Spend it on the computer playing games and chatting on FB. Ooooo I have also recently been doing a new cross stitch but cannot say what it is as it is a Christmas present for a friend!

PROUD MOMENTS …What are you most proud of? I think I am proud of making it into my third year of uni despite everything. I never expected to get here and doing it while having anxiety and depression along with other things I've had going on in my life. I honestly am really proud of that achievement. I came out of school with 4 Es 4 Fs and a G. Who'd have thunk I'd now be in my final year of uni and hopefully on the road to getting a degree??

QUEASY …What turns your stomach? Hmmm so many things. So many foods, but the thing I think is most disgusting is liver. Yuck! I tried it once and will never ever try it again! No thanks you!!

RELAX…How do you relax? Relaxing isn't something I do easily. I always feel I have to be ready for action. However when I cross stitch and it goes right then I suppose I kind of relax. Not totally though. I don't even relax when I go to sleep, I have often been found sleep walking and sleep talking and all sorts in my sleep. lol.

SONG…Whats your favourite song of all time? Delta Goodrem "Born to try" I think it has an amazing message and she has a wonderul voice.

TIME …If you could go back in time and relive it again, when would you choose? Hmmm I suppose I would go back the just before my grandad passed away and jump on a plane to g and see him. As I hadn't seen him for about 4 years before he passed away.

UNKNOWN…Tell us something about yourself that no one else knows? That no one at all knows? I don't think I could say that on here! So not going to attempt it.

VOCAL…. Who is your favourite artist? Hmmmmm Basshunter before he started catering for the English market!

WORK….. What is your dream job, and are you doing it now? A therapist. I would love to help people who find themselves in the same position as me. Right now I am in my final year of my Psychology and Counselling degree and after that I am wanting to go into full counsellor training. So I suppose I am working toward my dream job :D

XRAY…Any broken bones? My wrist on numerous occasions and my big toe once. Had so many xrays though. Recently had one on my knee as I got up weird heard something crack and it hurt like hell, couldn't walk on it for a while after that. Have also had chest xrays and a few more but can't really remember them.

YIKES…What’s been your most embarrassing moment? There are too many for just one. I fell embarrassed most of the time. I suppose one of my most embarrassing was walking out of a queue to sign up for my modules and ending up in the toilets crying due to a panic attack.

ZOO…. If you were an animal, which one would you be? A cat. People always say "it's a dogs life" as though dogs have it easy but they don't, they work for things, Cats really do rule the roost. They don't listen to you, or work for their food and when they are peeved at you for any reason, they will let you know and only forgive you when they see fit. Yes I think I would be happy being a cat-with good owners of course!!

I'm not that girl from walderslade, but really I am

For the last 5 years, I can hand on heart say I have changed so much things in my life for the better. Five years ago, it was difficult for me to even go out the house. I feared everything. I wouldn't attempt anything, just in case I failed, because then I would feel shit about myself. As it was, I felt shit about myself anyway, as I never did anything to positively change my life. So I made a decision, I was going to do something. I couldn't just sit around hoping I'd just get better, without doing anything about it. So I decided to go to college.

I worked hard at being in college. Getting there and being there. But I did it. and I was bloody proud of it and for a long time I have believed that I had changed. I had become more confident. I was no longer the weak girl from walderslade I once was. I was strong and independent. I could do anything I wanted and I was happy talking to people I'd never met before.

However, I have increasingly noticed that I am still that girl from walderslade. I still feel as pathetic as her. I still feel as insecure as her and I still feel as though most people around me are better than me. I don't usually pay much attention to this. As far as I am concerned she is my past, I am my future. Yet this isn't the case.

Feeling as though you somehow cause trouble, are looked down upon by others (I know this is only how I feel and I have no real idea what other people are thinking about me), feeling as though everything you do is shite and feeling as though no matter what you do, people will eventually walk away, are horrible feelings. I don't think there is anything anyone could say or do to change those feelings in me though. As they come from a past I have as yet not dealt with.

Was it England?....................The weather kind of showed it was

Wow, I have just spent the week in the lake district and what a beautiful place it is. I was seriously speechless and the beauty there is in England. If it weren't for the lovely windy weather, I would never have thought I was even in England! The views really are spectacular, it is also so relaxing. I am not the most relaxed of people but being there, you couldn't be stressed. It was just so pretty!

Usually I'm not big on car journeys, they normally cause me to feel highly anxious, so the night before I went I decided not to sleep, well I had about an hour, so that I could sleep in the car on the way there. I also had some tablets to take to keep me calm, however I only ended up having an hour in the car too lol. I didn't take any of my tablets though, which I'm quite proud of, being as normally being in the car for an hour or more is too much for me to take, yet I managed a good few hours in the car without any medication. I didn't want to take it before we left as I thought to myself, if I take it before I feel any anxiety then I will just be telling myself that I can't do it without medication. Don't get me wrong, the idea of being in a car for a long period of time still makes me feel anxious, but at least now I know I can give it a bloody good shot.

Anyway, the holiday is something even I didn't realise I needed. I had allowed myself to get into such a rut. Sitting in my bed all day every day, not getting dressed. Basically allowing my depression to take over. I really fought with myself about going, as I was so worried my anxiety would prevent me from doing things. In the end I went and I am so glad I did.

The lake district is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, in my life. It is hard to be stressed up there. I mean you look out the window and see a lovely mountain-black combe mountain to be precise-well you could from where I was staying. Driving around was pleasant too. Everywhere I looked there were more amazing views and there is not a single picture I took that really shows how breathtaking the views are. There are no words to really and truely describe the beauty of the lake district.

One of my favourite places I went was wast water-I think that is what it was called-it is completely un commercialised, untouched. It is just nature at it's best. I honestly would not have thought it of England. I had seen pictures of the lake district and I thought it looked really beautiful but I never imagined it would leave me lost for words. The only tell tail sign that we were still in England was the weather!

The first full day we had there was brilliant sunshine. Really nice weather, I could easily walk around in a vest top, short trousers and sandals. So that day, it was really hard to believe I was still in England. Then came the rest of the week. There were days that we thought the caravan was going to blow over-standing out in the wind, you'd think you were going to be blown away! I think at one point, Alifie-Sharon's dog-was blown off his feet lol.

Yet even this bad weather didn't make it horrible. I loved being there. Absolutely loved it. It was just so peaceful. We went into a town one day, here when you go into town everyone is in a rush and pushing past you and it is just plain stressful, yet up there there was no one really rushing about, it was a much more pleasant experience.

I feel that a lot of good has come from this holiday and I have Sharon to thank for that. It has kind of given me some hope that I can get some form of my life back and I damn well intend to! :D