I always thought my reading was good, I never enjoyed reading books because to me it was 'too much hard work'. I started to believe I was just lazy. Everyone else seemed to be okay with this reading lark and it sounds as though I am. Yet when I really look at it, I'm not. I rarely understand what it is I am reading. So I thought maybe I am just thick? Not so though, as when I heard what it says, rather than read it, I recode it in a way. I say it in a different way and then I understand it. I think I do it because for me I use so much of my short term memory trying to process what it is I am reading, I fail to remember what it is. I read things completely wrong also. I nearly lost a friend over reading something wrong. She text me and at the end of the text it said "this is the last thing I need right now, you falling out with me", I read it saying "this is the last thing I will write now you are falling out with me". I read it that way at least six times because I was in shock that she had written that. Yet I did not spot my own mistake until I had read it a good few times and that is when I text back. If I had just left it at that though and not re-read it a few times, I would not have text back at all and would have lost a friend over it lol.
The other day, for some reason, when I was reading out loud for my uni work, I understood and remembered every word. I really really enjoyed doing my work then, as I felt as though I was learning something. I didn't feel as frustrated. I could see that it fit in with what I was writing about and I could use it. So I thought that reading out loud helped me to understand. Wrong. The next day, while doing the same essay and reading out loud, I just could not get to grips with what I was reading. I could see that it should fit in, but I couldn't see how. I was so frustrated I wanted to throw my computer across the room! I knew I should understand it, but I just couldn't! I really did try but I just couldn't. This showed through in my essay. The first half sounded good and flowed well and I was really proud of it! The second half in my opinion is a complete mess. It is bitty and very hard to follow.
It also affects me in other ways. I am so disorganised it is shocking! Seriously nothing I have is organised. I try to start out well, but then it all falls to pieces. I can't get my head round being organised. I don't know how to go about it. I know all about colour coding and all of that but still I can't seem to get to grips with it. Even when it comes to getting all the ingrediants in I will need in order to cook meals for a week, I can't seem to get my head around it. I am sitting here getting frustrated at the thought of these things. I avoid being organised, doing anything that involves reading long paragraphs (not very easy when I am a student lol) cooking up meals from scratch. All sorts. Just because I can't handle how frustrated I feel when I'm doing them.
I honestly used to think I was just lazy but now I'm realising, I just need to do things a different way to most, as there is no way the usual way works for me. I have a tutor at uni now, which is really good as I'm learning new techniques. I just have to stick to it now!
One good thing though? I made it all the way to my second year of uni without help for my dyslexia, if that aint determination I have no idea what is! lol
